Loving Household
by luvurlifeluvedwardc
Summary: Edward's hormonal, Bella's a physiatrist, Carlisle's a perv, Jacob's paranoid........and so much more, and they're alll sentenced to live in a house together!
1. Chapter 1

Jacob's POV:

My eyes darted back and forth crazily, my body shaking uncontrollably. Sam laid a hand on my shoulder. "Don't do anything stupid," he muttered blandly.

I was trying to listen, but being in the Volturi just sent me over the edge. The reason we were even there was stupid.

And they were out to get me. I knew it.

We walked into a circular room with chairs all around it. Bella, who was standing next to me, grabbed her blood sucker's hand. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Almost touching me. Paranoia kicked in.

I screamed and jumped about a foot in the air like a little girl. "EEEEEWWWW IT ALMOST TOUCHED MEEEEEEE!!" I hid behind Sam who just stood there staring at the scene blankly.

Our entourage did not notice the whole Volturi staring at us with a surprised look.

Bella walked over and grabbed my hand. "And how does that make you feel?" she asked pulling out a notebook and pen.

I screamed bloody murder at pointed at the pen like a little girl. "YOU'RE GOING TO SHANK ME!!" I hid behind Sam once again. He yawned.

Edward burst into tears. "Why can't we all get along?!" Bella walked over to him and calmly asked, "Why don't you explain to me why you are concerned?" He nodded and said some things. Bella continued to scribble things on her notepad.

Carlisle whistled at a vapire passing by and grabbed her miniskirt butt. "Looking good Heidi." She giggled and walked off, wagging a bit.

Esme sighed and rubbed her temples. "This is too much for me."

Rosalie moaned, "Emmet, go get me foooood!"

Emmet, the big one, roared and punched the nearest wall. "NOOOOO!!" he yelled, flailing at the wall full-force.

Bella walked over. "Now Emmet-" she couldn't finish before he socked her in the stomach and sent her flying across the room into a cloaked vampire with black hair the same color.

When he saw Bella, he pulled her into a tight hug and exclaimed, "Oh dear it is such a blessing to see you! I missed you so much!"

I heard Edward wail, so I turned to look at him.

He collapsed to the ground and wailed, "Now my love left me for Aro! What shall I do?!"

Carlisle ignored his adopted son's cries and turned to his other adoptive daughter Alice. "New purse?" he asked, his eyebrows wiggling.

"Mhmm," she said happily and went into a long story of all of her millions of purses that she had at home.

Carlisle cut her off by covering her mouth and murmered flirtatiously in her ear: "You're a packrat, but it's sexy."

Jasper went down on his knees. "Noo!" he screamed, pulled out a knife, and slit his wrist continuously. He then looked down at the mess for a moment then screamed, "OH MY GOD BLOOOD!" He bent down and licked it up.

"Ok," Aro said, finally letting go of Bella. "I have called you all here today to announce that I am not pleased with the destruction going on in Forks." He took a deep breath and continued. " So I have come to a very necessary conclusion. I have decided that until all of you can get along, you will be staying at my house with my brothers."

All of us stared.

Edward broke down crying.


	2. Chapter 2

**BTW, I forgot to mention that I don't own Twilight or anything else by Stephanie, but i _do_ own the mood swings, cravings, maddness...and so on.**

Rosalie's POV

"EMMET STOP PUNCHING BELLA AND GET ME CHEESE!" I screamed down the hallway and stomped back into my room, slamming the door behind me.

I gracefully walked to my closet and started packing cloths in my Coach suitcases. Living with two werewolves and Aro (his brothers mysteriously moved out after the announcement) was going to be hell.

As I zipped up my last suitcase my body stared to convulse out of nowhere. I sprinted with inhuman speed down to the nearest bathroom and hung my head over the toilet. After I was done coughing up the chocolate I had an hour ago, I sprinted back upstairs to find Emmet beating up his suitcase.

I rolled my eyes and walked over to him, taking the bag out of his hands. "Go get me some chips, and _I'll _do the packing."

Emmet yelled ferociously and punched down the door. I giggled a bit when I heard him stomp down the hall. After I was done packing, Emmet came up with my chips.

"OH MY GOD FOOD!" I tackled him and ripped them bag out of his hands, ripping it open and shoving it all down my throat. I whimpered at the delicious taste of the salty Lays on my mouth.

I wanted more.

"Emmet," I said hastily, "Take the bags downstairs, I'll be in the kitchen."

I was bending over the counter shoving bread into my mouth at full speed when something pinched my but. I screeched and the bread in my hands went flying.

Carlisle chuckled and whispered in my ear, "My beauty," his finger traced my neck. "Come help us convince Alice that she doesn't need to bring all of her pack-rat stuff."

I was about to make a run for it when I heard a familiar yell behind me. Time to get out of there before Emmet beat me up along with Carlisle.

I raced outside and looked at the scene before me. Alice and Edward were crying histarically while bella tried to calm them both.

"Alice," Esme said, looking like she was about to kill her adoptive daughter. "I can't take this anymore!" she screamed. "I can't live with a daughter who won't throw anything away!" She took a shuddered breath and murmured, "It's you, or the stuff."

"NOOOOOOO!!" Alice screamed and fell to her knees.

Jasper let out a growl and pulled out his pocket knife, making a mess on the ground.

Edward fell to his knees also, letting out a wail. "Can't you see that you're tearing us APART!!"

I rolled my eyes.

After three long hours of negotiating and Jasper loosing almost all of his blood, we let Alice take half of her stuff, which was equivalent to our whole garage.

"I hope Aro's house is big," I heard someone murmur.

Just then, two motorcycles pulled into our driveway. Jacob and Sam pulled off their helmets and started to walk over. Jacob screamed pointed at all of the luggage on our law.

"THEY'RE GOINGTOPUMBLEUSWITHALLOFTHELUGGAGEIT'STHEENDOFTHEWORLD!! (they're going to pumble us with all of the luggage it's the end of the world)," he screamed and jumped into Sam's arms. No emotion showed on Sam's face.

"Why can't you just trust us?!" Edward sobbed.

Esme rubbed her temples. "Let's just go catch our plane."

**Lol, i'm crazy, I know. i know that this one wasn't as funny, but it will get funny when they all move in the house. And suggest to me whos POV should be next. Rate and review, I need all of the help I can get. And thanks to all of the people who commented, EVEN IF THEY WHERE AGAINST ROSALIE'S EATING HABBITS. THEY OBVIOUSLY DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT STEPHANIE SAYS BECAUSE REMEMBER WHEN EDWARD ATE PIZZA?? WELL STEPHANIE SAID IN AN INTERVIEW THAT THEY COUGH IT BACK UP SO BUUUUUUURN.**


	3. Author's note

Hey people, it's me. I know I haven't posted anything in forever, but if someone wants me to continue, please say so. If not, there is no point in really posting, so… just tell me if you want me to keep going, even if there is only one person.

Peace, around the world.

Love your life. Love Edward Cullen.


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